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My Unofficial Scientific Experiment

I've been conducting an unofficial scientific experiement. I've reached a hypothesis and I'm ready to share my findings with the rest of the scietific world.

It turns out, that a girl, whether 16 or 22 or 36, will do really silly things for a boy that she likes. It's true. I've studied this subject for quite some time and the results are always the same.

Names have all been changed in the below scenerios.

Exhibit A: Sixteen-year-old Jodie really likes 16-year-old Jordan. They don't go to the same high school, but they are Facebook friends. Jodie didn't want to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance because she didn't feel like she had time to plan a fun activity. Jordan mentioned he would love to go to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Two days before the dance, Jodie found a group of friends willing to go to the dance and quickly made up an elaborate plan to ask Jordan.

By the way, he said yes and they had a great date.

Exhibit B: Twenty-five-year old Cami decided she had a crush on Brad. It's October so Cami planned a murder-mystery date, complete with costumes. Brad said yes and the date was well underway. Cami actually asked Brad for the date two weeks in advance. Two days before the date, Brad hurt his back and was ubale to go on the date. When Brad canceled, Cami offered to bring cookies and ice cream to "cheer Brad up."

Exhibit C: Thirty-six-year-old Jen talks to a boy who lives two states away every day. This boy told Jen he was craving cinnamon rolls. One problem. This boy is allergic to gluten. So Jen offers to bake him gluten-free cinnamon rolls. Problem number two, Jen has never made cinnamon rolls in her life - and she isn't known for her fine baking skills.

Based on my conclusive evidence, it appears that girls will do silly, out-of-character things in order to get a boy's attention.

Part 2 of the scientific experiment is examining if said silly things actually succeed in earning attention. Stay tuned for the results.

The One That I Call "Just Because Two People Are Single"

It's been awhile since I've made a blog post here. Really, there are no excuses - just life gets in the way. You know how it is. However, I've got a doosy of a dating story for you all today. Enjoy!

I've had a friend in my life for about 7 years now. She was in a Relief Society Presidency with me years ago. We've stayed close since that time. However, she's 10 years younger than me and got married a couple of years ago. In her mind, it's hard for her to understand why I am still single.

I hadn't talked to this friend in a few months and one day out of the blue I got a phone call from her. The conversation went like this:

Her: There's a guy in my ward I want you to meet.
Me: OK.What do you know about him?
Her: He's about your age, really nice and has the prettiest blue eyes I've ever seen. Oh, and I know this doesn't matter to you, but he's fit."
Me: What else do you know about him?
Her: His name is George.

Let's get this straight. You want to set me up on a date with a guy that you barely know? Oh dear, this has disaster written all over it. But against my better judgement, I let her give him my phone number.

A couple of weeks passed and I never heard from George. I was a bit relieved. And then, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize (first mistake). It was George. And he sounded like he was going to cry.

It was a rather awkward conversation and I could tell that George was a bit shy. He's asking the typical get-to-know-you questions and high school came up. Turns out, George graduated high school in 1983. I graduated in 1994. That makes him about 47. That's a 12 year age difference. But again, against my better judgement, I agreed to go on a date with him.

The plan was to go to lunch on a Saturday and then go to the "French cinemia." Saturday morning came and George called. I secretely hoped he was calling to cancel. Close. He asked if we could just go to lunch because he wanted to go snow skiing with his brother that afternoon. At this point, I was relieved. But truthfully, in most situations, if you change plans on me last minute I don't like it.

George came to pick me up and to give the guy credit, he did not look 47. But he did act 47! It was by far one of the most awkward rides to the restaurant and lunch dates I've ever been on. I had to pull information out of him and felt like I was giving a job interview rather than enjoying a date. His questions back to me were few and far between.

He brought me home and that was it. I was grateful to be done!

However, the story doesn't end. George told my friend at church the next day that he really enjoyed time with me and was sorry he cut the date short. He wanted to ask me out again. Now what was I going to do? I was really not interested and the date just wasn't that great. It wasn't terrible, but there were certainly no sparks - at all.

A couple of weeks went by and I didn't hear from George. I was so relieved! But just like before, an unknown number popped up on my caller ID. Again, I stupidly answered it. What was I going to do? How was I going to get out of this? Finally, I decided on the truth.

I simply told George that I felt the age difference was just a bit too much. He seemed fine with it. But now, he won't speak to my friend at church.

Moral of the story - just because two people are single does not mean they should be together. Before setting anyone up on a date (me in particular) please do a little homework. And please make sure there is a reasonable age difference.

You're Too Picky

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten the old “you’re too picky” when it comes to dating. I’ll tell you what, if I had a penny for every time I’ve heard that in my life, well…I certainly wouldn’t have to work for a few years.

However, every time this comment is made to me or this topic comes up in conversation, I have a good “heart-to-heart” with myself and evaluate if I really am too picky. I’ve come to this conclusion. I am only picky in the one thing that matters.

There are many things that you can compromise on in a relationship. I think the older you get the more things you find that you actually can compromise on and still be happy. For example, when I was a young teenager, I used to say I would only marry a return missionary. Enter a few return missionaries in my life who were less than ideal, and suddenly marrying a return missionary isn’t all that important to me.

However, there is one area where I refuse to compromise and that is with temple marriage. If you are worthy to hold a temple recommend, you have all of the qualifications I need. In my mind, marriage just isn’t worth it if it’s not forever. I don’t really want to invest in a relationship that’s going to end as soon as we are just dust in the earth. I mean, if I know that families can be together forever (and I do know that) then why would I not want my own eternal family?

I want the reassurance that the relationships I’ve built on earth can continue into eternity. I want to know that all of the unfairness in life will be righted one day. I want to know that I have a companion by my side who has the same values as me. Temple marriage is what will bring this assurance into my life.

Besides, if the temple is important to me (and it is) then I wouldn’t be happy with someone who doesn’t give the temple the same importance that I do.

I know that a temple marriage isn’t the end all. You have to continue to be worthy of the privilege of the temple and you have to continue to work on the relationship. But if you don’t start the marriage out in the right place, then you’ve got a rocky foundation to begin with.

So go ahead, tell me I’m too picky, but when it comes to a temple marriage, there is no compromise. It’s all or nothing for me.

Dreaming

Lately I’ve been thinking about dreaming. No, not the kind you have in the middle of the night during your REM cycle, but those kinds of dreams that define you as a person and give you hope. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about my dreams.

I think sometimes in life, we forget to dream. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routine. Work, church, the occasional social life, and that’s about it. Do you ever feel like your life is on autopilot? It’s just one continual wash and rinse cycle? I do. It’s perfectly normal and acceptable to get into a routine. I mean, we do have responsibilities we need to take care of and it is important to have a job so you can make that mortgage. But in the middle of the routine, I think we forget our dreams.

I sat down the other night and thought about some of the dreams I’ve given up on. Once upon a time, there was a girl who dreamed of becoming a published author. The first time one of my articles got published in a magazine (even though it was just our little corporate magazine) I remember feeling an instant high. Who needs drugs when you can see your name in print? The problem is, the dream kind of stopped there. The corporate magazine article turned into another article, and more brochures, and catalogs, and website ads. Eventually, the writer inside of me was tired from writing all day long. Not that it was a bad thing, but I had forgotten that dream deep inside of me. I buried the dream so deep that I almost forgot it was there.

Until a couple of days ago when I decided to find my dreams again. And now, I’m on a quest to dream. This is the perfect time in life to follow my dreams. So here, on the world wide web, I’m committing to become that published author. It may take me many, many years, but I’m not giving up. And you, my dear blog readers, are the first to witness it.

In the words of Elphaba from Wicked,

“Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!”

Living Life As If You Were Married

I’ve often heard it say, “Fake it until you make it.” You’ve heard this expression, right? So, I’ve been thinking about this in relation to being married verses being single. How do you fake it until you’ve made it? I’ve come to the conclusion that in order to be married (someday) you have to act as if you were married (now). Let me explain.

Acting like you are married doesn’t mean purchasing a fake ring from your local Claires and ignoring every guy who even attempts to flirt with you. When I say act as if you were married, I’m talking about in our personal lives…with our careers, our homes, and our relationships with other people. I believe if you are living life like you are “married” then you will be better prepared for the opportunity once it comes around.

Let’s take cooking dinner for example. How many times does dinner consist of ice cream straight from the freezer or a trip to Taco Bell? There’s nothing wrong with this, even after you are married, but you certainly can’t survive like this forever. And you certainly can’t keep two people alive like this. So when I first started thinking about living as if I were married, cooking dinner was the first thing that came to mind. Cooking dinner, even if it’s just for one, a couple of times a week is a good way to prepare for the eventual day when a spouse comes into your life. Even if you are a guy, learning to cook and prepare meals can come in handy.

I also think about my career when I think about living like I’m married. Sure, one day I hope to be able to stay home and raise a family, but that’s not always the ideal. Getting an education, working a career, and trying to find something you enjoy are important parts of going from one to two. The other day I had a guy tell me that he looked for a girl with education to date and that he eventually wanted to marry a girl who was educated. Made enough sense to me. I thought, “Sure, he wants a girl who is smart and can talk intellectually with him.” Turns out I was only partially right. He continued to tell me that it helped him to feel better about the future knowing that if something should happen to him, the woman he ends up with could take care of herself and their family. That really made me think about being in a career that I enjoy and finding my strengths

So, what it all boils down to is that I think we should “fake” it until we are actually married. And even if we never do marry in this life, doesn’t it seem better to go throughout life with “skills” rather than just getting by on peanut butter sandwiches? I’ll let you know how this theory pans out for me.

Dating in your 20s vs. Dating in your 30s

I’m certain there is a difference between dating in your 20s and dating in your 30s. At first glance, you probably wouldn’t think this is true. But, as a woman who has dated in her 20s and 30s, I can assuredly tell you…there is a difference.

In your 20s, dating is all about having fun and getting all giddy. You remember those days, right? You are in your apartment with three or four other girls and the phone rings. Your heart races with anticipation, “Who is on the other end?” “Could it be the cute boy from #212?” Sometimes, it wasn’t the cute boy from #212, but sometimes it was. And he was asking for you! A whirlwind of sorts would then occur. He wanted to go out, right then. So what did you do? Rushed in your bedroom to find the perfect outfit! Ten minutes later, you were out the door.

A date in your 20s looked a little like this. Miniature golfing, maybe dinner at a fresh-mex place, and if things were going really well, a movie back at his apartment with his roommates. But only if things went really well. Of course, back home by midnight. That’s how it went for me at least.

If the first date went well, things usually progressed. For about a week or so. Occasionally, even a month. You would see each other every day, walk to class together, sit by each other in church, and go to ward prayer together. It was easy to do all of this because he lived in the next building over! Plus, you’re super giddy and just can’t stand to spend even 2 minutes apart.

After a few weeks, even if things were going well, it usually fizzled out. We would both move on to “greener” pastures. Because there’s always something better around the corner, right? Especially at BYU. There was always someone cuter, smarter, more spiritual, and a size smaller than you. So he would move on. And I would move on. And that was it.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

In your 30s, dating is much different. First of all, meeting is a guy is difficult. There are no singles ward anymore. (And if you’re still going to the YSA adult in your 30s, well, that’s another story). With no singles ward, there’s no ward prayer. No weekly activities. No FHE. You have a job now, likely surrounded by lots of married people. You spend 9 to 5 at the office, open the lap top as soon as you get home, and maybe on occasion go out to dinner with a friend. In bed by 11:00, and back at it again.

Wash. Rinse, Repeat.

Meeting guys is not easy in your 30s. But let’s say you do meet someone who you’d like to get to know better. He calls, he asks you out. After both pulling out your calendars you finally decide on a time to get together. The soonest you are both free? Two weeks. Sounds about right. With work, church callings, and other responsibilities, this isn’t too unlikely.

Then, the date comes. You go to dinner. If things are going well, maybe a movie. You’re home by 10:00. Why? Because it’s a Thursday and you both have to work the next day.

Of course, he if calls and wants to see you again, you’re happy. But that giddy, I just can’t wait to see you again feeling, isn’t there. Does that worry you? Sometimes. But really, it’s just a part of being older. There are just a lot of time commitments now. As there should be. You are 33-years-old. That means you’ve got a job, friends, a life. Your world no longer revolves around the cute guy in #212.

But you still enjoy each other so you continue to plan time together. Your dates end up being things like, “let’s go run this errand.” Or “it’s been a really long day, can we just stay home tonight?” Ya, your dates end up feeling like you are an old married couple.

I’ve thought a lot about this lately because quite honestly, this is my life. I’ve worried about not feeling “giddy.” I’ve been on “dates” to look for fishing poles and then picked up an air mattress on the way out. I’ve given it a lot of thought, wondering if there is something wrong with me. I finally decided it’s all normal. Here’s why:

In your 30s, you finally know who you are. Your identity is no longer based on what your hair looks like or if you can fit into those tiny jeans. (OK, sometimes it is, but that’s rare and not the norm.) At this point in life, you are confident enough in who you are that you are just fine living your life and being you. Without or without someone to share your life with.

Of course, I’m happy when he comes around. And we have fun together. But there are days when I need “me” time. And there are times when we go for a long time without calling or even text messaging. And you know what? That’s alright! In my opinion, it’s totally normal.

So if you’re in your 30s, trying to date, and wondering if you are “normal,” I’m going to guess that you probably are. The one thing we should never do though is become complacent. We should never stop progressing, growing, and learning. If you do, then when that one special person does cross your path, you won’t be very interesting and it’s likely they’ll just keep walking by.